last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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