he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
