Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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