Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize