Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
