you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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