literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
