Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
