I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
