He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
