everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
