she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize