Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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