He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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