A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
