I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
