Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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