Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
