**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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