i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
