FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
