So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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