I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
