We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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