I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize