from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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