dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
