You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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