I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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