I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
