I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize