Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i wish my penis had a tongue
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
