Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
