Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
this hospital has no fireball
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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