also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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