how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He? As in you personified your dick?
i believe in u and ur pee
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
