this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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