i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
