I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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