i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Sober January is a disaster.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize