so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
