pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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