"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How external is "for external use only"?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
