My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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