I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
