not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
