she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
