Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
