"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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