8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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