Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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