I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
