we're chasing vodka with high fives
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize