She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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