I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
