I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
