Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
