you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize