did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
