we're blogging at a bar
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
