People in love make me want to vomit
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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