he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
