Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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