it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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