I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize