he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you win again, gameday.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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