She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
