are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
