Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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