We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
