you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
