After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
