I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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