me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
