yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize