Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
