Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
