Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize