we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
