I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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