I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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