ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
