then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the day after is always just damage control
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
