What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
