forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
