Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
