10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
