The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
50% drunk capacity currently
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
