Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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