I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize