the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
