enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
