I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
