oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
