Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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