i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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