i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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