I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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