I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
