He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
