ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize