btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
