oh god the rape fog is back!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize