I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize