i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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