Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
