uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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