I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
