Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
