the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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