it wasn't lemon gatorade
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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