there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sext me about skeletons
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
